Signs of a Codependent Parent: How to Heal

Codependency is often thought of in the form of substance use disorders and alcohol addictions. This is actually where the whole concept of codependency was born.

The word is so encompassing and appropriate that it has expanded to include relationships, though it is sometimes connected to other forms of codependency. Codependency shares some traits with narcissism personality disorder, though they are completely different. Left untreated and unresolved, codependency tendencies can be passed on from parent to child, generation after generation, in a never-ending cycle.

Below is everything you need to know about being codependent, how it affects your child, and how you can begin to heal properly. Paradigm Treatment Center is a resource for teens and young adults, but we also help parents along the way. If you have questions, please give us a call today.

What Is a Codependent Parent?

A codependent parent is a person who forms a very deep and unhealthy attachment to their child and uses this attachment as a base to exert total control over their child’s life.

Codependent tendencies can be present within the full scope of parental relationships. For example, a codependent mother can heavily rely on her son or daughter to maintain her mental stability and emotional happiness, and a codependent father can rely on his daughter or son to take full responsibility for his physical health and well-being.

Codependent parents may try to claim that their close relationships with their children are signs of a family that is well-functioning. This preoccupation with each other is a sign of familial dysfunction.

What Are Some Possible Causes of Codependency?

Codependency can be hard to spot and recognize, with psychological, biological, and social elements contributing to its manifestation and growth.

A few possible causes of parent codependency are:

• Being raised in a dysfunctional family rife with excessive control, criticism, rigidity, or perfectionism from one or both of the parents. There could also have been a lack of safety, a non-existent support system, and a stunted emotional connection.
• Having a parental figure who was emotionally or physically abusive, absent, neglectful, or suffering from addictions.
• Experiences and feelings of pain, anger, fear, shame, or pain that were not resolved or acknowledged in the family.

What Are Signs That a Parent Is Expressing Codependent Tendencies?

If you suspect that you or another person may be a codependent parent, here are a few signs to look out for:

What Are the Risks of Codependent Parenting Regarding Children?

Parent-child codependency may appear benign, but it can be emotionally abusive. Children growing up in such scenarios learn that their needs, emotions, and feelings are irrelevant and thus never have the chance to develop their independent personalities.

A teen’s sense of self and identity is developed through the commitments and decisions that they make as they transition from childhood to adulthood. When codependent, a parent exerts excessive and unwanted control over their child’s life, they inadvertently smother their child’s ability to develop and commit to their chosen values and beliefs. These adolescents then remain with a “thinned-out” identity, like watery stew, and never form their own.

Parents are major role models in children’s lives, and these children naturally pick up on their parent’s behavioral tendencies. This includes codependency traits. These children are at high risk of becoming controlling parents in their own right.

How Can Parents Stop Codependency and Heal the Relationship With Their Children?

Amitting the presence of codependency is the first step down the road to halting it in its tracks.

Parents who have codependent behaviors and have used them for years to control and stunt the mental growth of their children should be extra sensitive and respectful towards their children. It is not uncommon to see depression symptoms in teens of codependent parents. Moreso when the pent-up anger that their children have been holding back starts to burst forth.

Below are some pointers to help you get started.

• Practice self-care. Start taking steps to meet and fulfill your own needs rather than relying on your child to do it for you. Learning to help and give to yourself will help you begin to give to your child.
• Step back. Allow your child to work their way through age-appropriate challenges independently. This will instill self-confidence in them and allow them to trust themselves and push further in life.
• Listen actively. Pay full attention to your child when they speak to you. Reflect on what you heard, then ask them if you correctly heard and interpreted what they wanted to say. Almost nothing can heal relationships quicker than someone feeling like they are heard and have a voice.

Other Youth Mental Health Topics You May Find Helpful…